Woodsmoke and diesel
Well, it did seem for quite a period that there’d be no
account of this years race even if I had managed to get to the finish, but in
the end it all turned out ok.
This run was the 1st ‘proper’ Ultra I did in 2003
and has a special place in my heart despite the fact that it is to a large
extent the antithesis of all that I thought I enjoyed in running (no hills,
moors or mountains). I am however consistently back for more so it can’t be all
bad and there is no doubt it is a significant achievement physically and
mentally just to get to the end.
In 2003 I finished in 40.20 and came 5th. This
year some 3.5hrs faster I barely made the top 30, testament I think to the
races deservedly increased popularity over the years. I had in fact retired in
2007 having against all expectations and calculations achieved a sub 36hr time.
I didn’t think I would ever beat that and wanted to finish on a high but recent
performances in Greece in particular, have made me question my continued
ability to race over this distance, and to see what remaining Ultra career I
had left, I needed to know how I would cope on this Ultra on which all others
are judged, once again.
I was in no way looking to beat my 2007 time (though it
would have been nice) but I wanted to know that I could still do it. Sub 38 was
more of a realistic target given my slowing down over the last couple of years.
The race is notorious for its friendly nature throughout.
The checkpoint staff are unfailingly friendly and encouraging and it was
abundantly clear even before the start that although popularity and times had improved
since I last ran, the friendliness was still there to match it.
I had run this race unsupported the last few times and it
would again be the case this year. I think support can help when you are
flagging, but the upside of running on your own is that you can immerse
yourself in the race and be proud that your success, if it comes, and that
overcoming adversities is down to yourself alone.
The night before in Broad St was noisy with precious little
sleep despite ear plugs, but at least it was rest of a sort. There were a lot of faces I recognised at the
start but very little time to chat. The weather was good (that is to say cool
and overcast!) and the whole thing seemed just so familiar despite not having
been here since 2007. It was though my 5th time.
After a brief chat from Dick Kearn the low key start just
happens. Runners amble off under a bridge and along the canal rather than race
off and the whole atmosphere indicates that all know it is going to be a long
day … and night … and day again.
I set off well within myself for the first few miles but was
champing at the bit much sooner than I expected. I had to consciously rein
myself in and stop from pulling back up to those who overtook me. I knew just
how far it was going to be. Light chats with those around occasionally but
mainly I was happy to be in my own world. After about 4miles I caught up with
Neil with whom I’d shared a room the night before and who I’d met in Greece. I knew
he was much faster than me but as long as I was feeling comfortable I was happy
to share the pace both before and after the 1st CP.
It was on the 1st two stretches that I met Steve
Thompson, with whom I’d shared many hours on the Thames Ring and who was there
for moral support, and then Jez Bragg. Jez has come on leaps and bounds since I
was with him in 2004 on his 1st Ultra and now has many records to
his name, not least of which was a record time on the Fellsman a couple of
weeks ago. It was good to see him again and we walked (... what Jez walks??) a
mile or so to catch up before he shot off in the reverse direction.
The distractions took my mind off the running and though it
wasn’t long before I caught Neil up again I knew by the 2nd CP that
I would have to start running my own race and put a lid on the pace for a
while. I spared a few minutes at the CP to top up on water, energy drink and
bananas and when I started off again Neil was well in front.
From the 2nd CP (22miles) onwards my initial
enthusiasm was draining and I was slotting into the Ultra mode. I was starting
to find it harder and from about 25miles on did stop to run/walk a little and
by the time the 3rd CP (36m) arrived I was starting to flag. My pace
was a little down on 2007 which in itself wasn’t a worry but it was here, very
much as expected, that I was first experiencing those ‘never again’ moments
that you always feel in Ultras when things start to get a little tougher. The
feeling can be alarming and disconcerting for the novice Ultra runner but I was
experienced enough by now to know that the feeling is transient and soon passes
(well, after a couple of hours anyway)
I never remember too much about these runs afterwards but by
the 4th CP at about 53miles I had already been running for 10-11hrs
so a fair bit must have happened. It was pleasant enough running along the
canal, the ground underfoot was good, the weather ok but I just can’t remember
now a lot more about it. I do usually recall the predominantly greens and greys
of the landscape and the all pervading smells of diesel and woodsmoke but when
you are running all day you have to throw some stuff out and live a half life
or the enormity of it all just gets to you.
Concentrating mainly on remembering where to cross the canal
and trying not to walk much I made it to CP5 at 70miles before dark but about
an hour later than my 2007 time. I had earlier on kept a deliberately slow pace
but the same can’t be said for the later sections where I was just plain slow
and couldn’t have gone much faster if I’d tried. The 10miles or so before CP5
had been hard and each bend looked like it could be (but wasn’t) the last one
before the CP. But ultimately the CP arrived and with it the milestone of half
way. Other than the pace and time I was much encouraged. Apart from being plain
slow I had no injuries, I was eating and drinking better than usual and managed
a good troff at the CP too. After a brief chat with Javed who was supporting at
the CP and as dusk arrived I put on the night kit and headtorch and headed off
along the canal again.
I had in advance decided that the next two night sections
would be make or break for me. I have never done well on these sections and the
overnight 30miles has always taken me more than 10hrs. Pace is bound to slow in
the dark but it has always coincided for me with an unshakeable tiredness
resulting in an aimless plod for several hours.
Earlier in the day I had had strange desires to stop, lay
down and go to sleep much as I had had in Greece last year. I don’t know why this is starting to happen
to me but it’s not good and I was hoping to stave off the sleepiness on this
next stretch. I started off as I hoped to go on by run/walking with a good
light from the torch but it wasn’t long before I had to stop and take off all
the gear I had put on at the last CP. I was just too hot and I knew I was in
danger of fainting. The brief stop was worth it though and whilst I didn’t run
as much on this section as I’d hoped, the pace was significantly up on what I’d
done before and I ended up at the CP at least 30mins faster than in 2007. What’s
more this section can be a real drag. It can take forever to reach that
horrendous CP, Bridge 99 which must be the place of so many ended races since
you get there cold, tired, depressed and invariably wet. But not this year. The
weather had taken a little turn for the worse, there was moisture in the air
but it fell short of being drizzle. It did add to the cooling though so it was
on with the warmer night gear again. I didn’t stop long – I knew it was best to
get away from this CP as soon as possible so after a few minutes, some coke and
a banana I was on my way, back into my own silvery circle of light bouncing a
few feet in front of me.
I do where possible prefer to run in the dark at night, that
is to say without my headtorch on. I generally find that way that you build up
a better awareness of your surroundings and after a while can usually see well
enough to run by. Unfortunately that was not the case tonight. It was heavily
overcast and under the trees and next to the canal just too difficult to see
the path and too dangerous to risk tripping over roots or missing the path
entirely so the light stayed on most of the time.
One issue I had had prior to the Bridge 99 CP that had been
creeping up on me was a pain in my plantar fascia. I was unsure what had been
causing it but it had been getting steadily worse. It might have been the trail
shoes that I had used regularly beforehand but only over distances up to about
40miles. The ground also seemed, in view of the lack of recent rain, to be very
hard. I much prefer to run on softish ground but whatever, the pain was slowing
me down. You really don’t need excuses to slow down and this was swiftly and
subconsciously giving me too many excuses to stop and walk. Fortunately I had a
spare pair of shoes at Bridge 99 and I spared the time to change into these,
more road based trainers. Luckily the pain didn’t get any worse but I was still
finding it interrupting my running and drawing me out of ‘computer mode’.
I also found out after Bridge 99 that the batteries were
running low and it was not long before I just seemed to grind to a halt. It
wasn’t for lack of food or fuel since this was still going down unusually well,
but quite quickly I just felt incredibly tired and started nodding off. Very
soon I was in just plod mode and with the sleepiness just lacked the mental
capacity to recognise it and do anything about it. The foot joined in and I
just hobbled slowly on through the darkness, immersed in nothing but my little
circle of light.
In previous years I have been slow on these night sections
but come dawn have usually woken up again. Sometimes dawn itself is an
inspirational factor, but not today. There was nothing pretty about dawn today.
The sky was heavily overcast. It wasn’t quite raining but nearly, and when dawn
arrived it was simply a greying off of the blackness and very difficult to
determine when it was actually daylight at all. When it was clearly light again
my mode stayed the same and for whatever reason, whether mental or physical I
just couldn’t run. I was walking reasonably fast again and was surprised to
catch up Laurence who had left me many hours before. I walked with him for a
while and then left him a bit on the last stretch into GJA.
Grand Junction Arms CP is another milestone. In fact it
marks for me not only daylight, but also the 100mile point. It also usually
provides the breakfast bacon and egg cob and sufficient motivation to get going
on the last 3 daylight sections. I was pleased to see Andy and Ramona again. I
changed into day gear and sat for longer than was perhaps wise with my
breakfast cob before being shooed off by Andy to get going again.
I had not paid much attention to my 100mile split on
arriving but was convinced that it was a lot slower than 2007. In fact I seem
to have been about 2minutes up. This meant that although I had felt slow over
the last section in fact I was 30minutes faster than I had been on the same
section in 2007 and I had negated entirely the hour I had lost up to the 70mile
point, over just 30miles. Had I realised this at the time then I might have
been spurred on to great things and this might be one of the benefits of a
support crew since as it was I was convinced I had no hope of pushing my 2007
time and my foot was still hurting, often it just grabbed me and stopped me
dead, and thus gave me the excuse to continue just plodding.
It was not long before Laurence caught me up again and we
walked together on/off for a while. It was not long after that either that
Martin caught me up too (I’d last seen him arriving at the Navigation CP as I
left).
This section was a drag and in hindsight my worst split. At
20miles it’s a long section between CP’s and again might have been a good place
to have a support crew but I was continuing to suffer and as it warmed up I was
finding this an added obstacle to keeping running. In 2007 I made good time on
this section covering it in 5hrs but it was looking like today it would be a
much longer day out.
The hardest thing about Ultras for me is the mental aspect.
It is easy to know where you are physically and train up but not so easy to
know how to train mentally. You can be as fit as you like but if your mind is
playing you up it can create obstacles that at the time seem absolutely
impossible to surmount but in reality are often no more than mirages. The mind
is an incredible asset if you can retain some control over it in an ultra and
the end of the world if you can’t.
I am used now to the ‘never again’ moments but sometimes
when this fails to get you to stop, the mind can be so much more subtle. In Greece last
year I found that after only 30-40miles and despite being pretty fit I just
couldn’t run. I was sleepy, there were pains in my knees and hips and thighs
and I quickly just got incredibly depressed and disillusioned. At the time this
was very much real. Even afterwards I was very stiff so the pain was real
enough I guess, but I do in hindsight question just how strong I really was
mentally and how much I wanted it. Perhaps, if I’d been better mentally aware
I’d have been able to recognise that my mind might have been playing subtle
tricks on me and formulate a plan keep the chimp in the box.
The difference though between the Spartathlon and the GUCR
is that in Greece
you get precious little time to recognise issues before they become fatal to
your race. The issue is even more important when you have to run as close to
the deadlines as I do these days through deteriorating speed/ageing. It
therefore makes it even more important to be mentally aware of the extent to
which your mind will try and persuade you that you can’t do it and that you
have to stop.
Today I did think back to my exit in Greece. I was
aware of my dropping pace, of my inability to run more than a few hundred yards
at a time but seemed equally unable to do anything about it. The advantage was
on this occasion that my race wasn’t so time critical. Sure I’d be further away
from my PB than I’d hoped but I’d still finish the race – in a way this made it
harder to overcome the issue since I could convince myself I had no option but
to carry on the way I was and in fact it didn’t matter if I did.
It came to a crux though when I factored in running at this
pace to the end and realised that there was a distinct possibility that I’d
miss the train I’d booked months ago. In fact the last one home Sunday evening
– a train which in preparation seemed to give me a generous amount of time.
This started a panic. I was in bad books enough for wanting to run again on a Bank
Holiday weekend when we were supposed to be going away, let alone getting home
a day late. I had to do something. As Springwell finally arrived and I had lost
about an hour I decided that I’d take the chimps mind off the hurdles it was
putting in my way and do something about it. I only stopped briefly at the CP.
Time was of the essence if I wanted to get the train and I stayed only long
enough to top up water and down a quick rice pudding. I carried on tentatively
and in pain at 1st but decided to put the watch to some use and
start a strict on/off run/walk regime. At 1st it was 0.05 miles off/0.10
miles on. The miles seemed to melt away and sooner than I’d realised the 12mile
section was in single figures. I’d decided I needed to keep to a 4mph average
and had the watch on that mode to keep an eye on it. If I kept to that I’d be
there in 3hrs. I was able to. I extended the running to 0.25miles on/0.10 miles
off and even got up to 0.75m on/0.25 off. Having the routine helped. Martin and
Laurence caught me up and whilst it was good to run with them for company it
did skew my regime. Sure I was running longer/further with them but walking
slower when not. I tried to do my own thing and was rewarded by getting to
Hamborough, the last CP in 3hrs as planned and also overtook a few other
runners too.
I didn’t stay at the CP long. With only 12m to go it wasn’t
worth it. Laurence shot off ahead. I was still having to walk some and on those
stretches he pulled away, Martin doing the same shortly after. Nonetheless with
an eye on my watch virtually every minute, my mind was occupied and I was able
to keep to the 4mph plan.
It was however getting hotter, and the hotter it got the
harder I found it to keep on running. I
still kept an eye permanently on my watch, and was still able to keep to a 4
mph average, though it was very hard. I
was also now regularly looking over my shoulder. I could not see anyone behind me for as far
as the eye could see but I was getting worried.
There are long straights on this section that are hard at
this stage of the run. The chimp was spreading alarm and I was starting to find
it hard to get him back in the box. I had been moving fine for a while now and
missing the train was no longer an issue. As a result, the chimp was telling me
that I could stop and walk now and it was hard to find the motivation to argue
against that. I was not going to beat my PB and I was going to be faster than I
had suspected. Couldn’t I settle for that? I looked at the time. 37hrs was
approaching. The chimp was telling me that I’d never make it in under 37hrs but
I wanted to try. I started running again. The chimp was still out of the box
nagging at me to stop. All of a suddenly John Poole came past. Where had he
come from? There was about 2 or so miles to go. We were nearly there but I
hadn’t seen him approaching and he shot past at a pace much faster than mine,
incidentally doing the same thing he’d done on the last mile or so of the
Ridgeway in 2010 at the same time pushing me into 2nd V50 place
(though I hadn’t known that at the time). The chimp was bouncing up and down
saying he’d told me so and I let John fade into the distance.
But it didn’t last long and from somewhere I’d found the
energy to have a go. Perhaps sub 37hrs was still on and a 36hr time still
sounded good – not as good as sub36 but not bad. So I burst into a run again
and it was not long before I was moving at a faster pace than anything I’d done
in the last 24hrs. I started to recognise the change in the scenery from the
long straights to the start of the built up areas and I kept going. I’ve no
idea how and the knees were protesting but I kept going. The chimp had me pull
up in despair at one stage when I realised (yet again) that it was much further
along this bit than I remembered, but it wasn’t for more than a few yards until
I told the chimp that we could do it if we could just hang on, and we did.
Eventually I recognised the last stretch and was able to push along the path to
finish in 36.42. I was pretty pleased.
So was I disappointed? Well, far from it surprisingly. I
realised I just love this race. I was an hour off my PB but an hour faster than
my next fastest time. From the disappointment of being an hour down at
Navigation I had pulled the time back overnight and been up on my PB at
100miles. From there and at 120m I’d overcome an issue that on another day
would have meant a time nearer 40hr if I’d kept to the same pace and I’d done
the same at 142m and finished strongly. I had no physical issues other than a sore
Plantar fascia and tired knees and can’t remember a race where I’ve been
stronger mentally and been able to respond, and that makes me more optimistic
about my ability to run Ultras further into ‘old age’ than I’ve been for some
time. So thanks everyone for a great race and maybe I will see you all again
another year.
Stuart
p.s. Apologies to Dr Steve Peters for the chimp analogy that
crept in there towards the end. If anyone gets the opportunity to hear him
speak I would recommend it. I am usually very sceptical about psychiatrists and
Sports Psychiatrists in particular, but you can’t knock the success he has had
with the likes of Chris Hoy, Victoria Pendleton and Bradley Wiggins and he is a
runner as well. Recognising the chimps antics and learning to try to get him
back in the box is starting to have some effect on me too!
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