Rob has decided to pull out of
Spartathlon. He had a bad 100K and only managed about 50K of it before pulling
out. He reckons he has lost the urge/desire. Mark recommended he watch some
Rocky films and go back to basics, and there is some good advice in that.
Strangely I’ve had an email from Steve
in France this morning too. He’s just had a bad marathon where he did 4.50ish.
He too reckons that he has just lost the desire to push and got to a point in
the race where he was just happy kicking back and strolling along to the finish
at a comfortable pace.
Rob has plenty of time left but if he
has really lost the urge than that’s a big thing. There’s no forcing it back.
It’ll probably come back on its own but until it does theres no point in trying
to force it. Only further disappointment will happen that way.
You need the desire for Spartathlon, in
spades. Too many times I have lost the desire to push when trogging along some
dusty cliff road in Greece. My main problem has always been that I’ve been
prepared to say ‘that’ll do’ in training, be it weight or race times, when it
never was enough really.
Last year might have been different. I
lost the weight, did the training, got the times and had the desire. I honestly
still think there has never been a better time to have given it a shot.
I still have the urge though, even
after 6m of forced resting and that surprises me a bit. It should really have
been battered into submission and pessimism. I know there is lots to do and
whilst I am impatient to get going I know I have to do it properly. I wasn’t
ready in 2013 or 2014, after the 2012 debacle. I was getting there in 2015 and
got to a peak in 2016 when my mental resilience and as a result confidence has
never been sharper. Despite the knockbacks it is still sharp which is why I
need to be patient and do it properly, not go off at half cock again and that
means, when I am ready doing it properly or not at all.
I had my 3rd MRI at the end of April and it was relatively good news. I had been worried that there
might not have been much progress since I could occasionally still feel the
twinge but apparently the swelling has gone down a fair bit. It’s still there
but it’s improved such that I was allowed to dump the crutches – after 4 months (5
in all for the injury counting Dec when I never used crutches)
You can see the difference between the MRI on the L (Dec) and the one on the R (Apr). There is much less oedema present now, although it’s not gone entirely. There wasn’t a lot of progress Dec-Feb. The biggest spot left looks like its at the site of the defect on the end of the femur & which I might be left with permanently. It remains to be seen whether my knee might protest if I try to do big mileages again because of that defect and the swelling at that point. I still need to wear my brace for another 4-6wks but after that if it’s ok I can take it off and try running (but only if it doesn’t hurt) & 1K at a time
My worry is that if the defect is there it'll just hurt and swell up again if I try to run on it. For that reason I will need to be careful but I've pencilled in a 1K run for 6 June - D Day as it happens and my Mums birthday. She would have wanted me to be positive. It will also mark 6months to the day since I last ran and I thought that would be appropriate.
That 1K in a months time will be the 1st
run of the rest of my life but there will still be knockbacks. It may hurt. I may
need to back off and rest a little longer but I am determined to use the whole
experience as another way to strengthen my mental resolve. I just need my body
to play ball and hang on a little longer too.
