Pole Pole

Sparta and Me - Chapter 11

So that was how I left it in January 2017, at rock bottom again, or so I thought until I saw the consultant.

‘That pop you heard was probably the end of your femur giving way’

 

was not something that I really wanted to hear at the beginning of a year in which I had expectations of kicking on from 2016, to put it mildly. 4months on crutches and another 2months with knee brace and to compound it I didn’t make it through the lottery again anyway, even with 2 names in the hat.

 

The MRIs in December and February showed significant bone oedema in the medial condyle of my femur and two insufficiency fractures of the femur itself underneath the cartilage. The consultant was now pretty sure I hadn’t damaged the cartilage itself and there was just age related thinning instead, but that was of little comfort. The only option was to allow the bone to recover in its own time. He didn’t want to disturb the cartilage in surgery if it could possibly be avoided and if I ran on it in its softened state or the blood supply worsened then the end of the bone might collapse totally and the only option then would be replacement.

 

The consultant had heard of Kouros. He understood and wanted to get me fit for Spartathlon if at all possible but there are no quick fixes for this issue and I had to rely on what I am good at, patience enough to do the job … eventually.

 

The April MRI was better news. The oedema was dissipating but very slowly and I could still see the residual bone defects on the scan. He said these might not go completely but there was still a good chance of 100% recovery, if I did things properly. What’s more I could now ditch the crutches if I kept the brace for another 6-8weeks. Then I could try running, 1K at a time and back to resting if it hurt. Louise came with me – she didn’t want me bullshitting her about what he said I could do, but I would have been good anyway.

 

I tried 1K in June, after 6 weeks. Hardly worth getting  changed for really but I was hoping it would feel so good to be back out there again I’d love it, only I couldn’t even convince myself it didn’t hurt, so I was good and went back to resting - For another fortnight, then I tried it again and it was a little better that time.

 

Since then I have been looking for little milestones. After the pain of dropping out of Athens 48, 4 Inns, GUCR, Nomad 50 and KACR I was seeing some progress. It has been a tough job, one minute up and the next down as I felt some pain and even more despair, but from 1K I upped it to 1mile, then 2 miles. I even managed 30miles overall in July. The road ahead looks to have bends in it and I cannot see too far but I am keeping as positive as I can. Last week I ran 8miles, slowly. At 6mph I was fine but at 7mph it hurt. I did the same run a week later and the bit at 7mph didn’t hurt. Pole Pole as they say in Kenya – ‘slowly, slowly’ has been and will need to be my mantra for the rest of 2017 at least.

 

I’ve even done a race. Louise allowed me to do the club race at Carsington in July if I ran with her,  and would grab my vest if I started trying to pull away from her. I was very conscious of the downhills in particular and walked them. Last week I was allowed to run the Shipley Park club race on my own. I was surprised that my legs actually felt good, but more surprised still that it didn’t hurt. My lungs and chest were bursting though and there is lots to do … but pole pole.

 

The cycling has helped. It’s been 30years since I’ve been on a road bike but I have done 2x 100milers with another to come in September. It seems to have helped prevent my leg muscles from wasting away entirely but it hasn’t stopped the weight from returning –and it took so much effort to lose it in the first place.

 

It’s now only 6weeks before the UK team goes out to Greece again. It’s hard but I guess it’s for the best that I didn’t get in this year now. At 8 slow miles with 6weeks to go and with all the weight back on I lost last year it would be foolish in the extreme to have tried anything . At least now I have 14months and 4 names in next year’s hat. There is lots of work to do but only one goal, one focus. There is a plan for 2018 but I can still take nothing for granted at the minute and as such is contingent on me getting to the end of the year ok. At present I am just so pleased to be running at all and there is still improvement week on week such that I can just about forget that I’ll be 60 when the 2018 race arrives. But age is in the mind, at least partially. In 2006 I was worried that I was too old but in 2016 I managed to get fitter than I have been since 1996, let alone 2006. I can still do it.

... Is long

So, I’m injured and can’t run. It’s not as if I’m suffering from some debilitating or life threatening disease or even in pain. But I can’t run and it’s a big thing to me.

It’s been 6m now – longer out than even after I had my disc operation, and still no path to recovery in sight in real terms. The instability I felt in the knee is still there, almost the same as it was way back in December, but its hard to pin down.

The consultant said he was happy with the way the bone marrow oedema had gone down since my 2^nd MRI. He said give it another 6-8wks and give 1K a go, but nothing mad so I left feeling quite optimistic.

Well, it’s 7weeks post 3^rd MRI now and 1K is just over ½ a mile. ½ mile! – hardly worth getting my kit on for but I did last night. It was a milestone for sure but I had to work hard to make myself think I couldn’t still feel it. It didn’t hurt but it felt, well … weird and this morning there’s a niggly little ache that tells me it’s still not ok. I worry about trying to build it up with that ache. I worry that the swelling will just come back. It’s likely that the niggle and instability come from the site of the fracture itself and that there is some remaining defect in the bone on the weightbearing end of the femur causing the wobble and ache. If that’s the case I’m worried that it’s not now going to alter much and this is what I’ll be left with.

Looking at it from the glass half full point of view as far as I can I guess (even after 6 months) my recovery is still in its infancy. I can see myself not trying to run even another 1K for at least another week. Even if the bone might still improve over time it’s not going to do so over period of a few weeks and I’ll count myself lucky if I get back to any real sort of running this year.

The Road to Recovery

Rob has decided to pull out of Spartathlon. He had a bad 100K and only managed about 50K of it before pulling out. He reckons he has lost the urge/desire. Mark recommended he watch some Rocky films and go back to basics, and there is some good advice in that.

Strangely I’ve had an email from Steve in France this morning too. He’s just had a bad marathon where he did 4.50ish. He too reckons that he has just lost the desire to push and got to a point in the race where he was just happy kicking back and strolling along to the finish at a comfortable pace.

Rob has plenty of time left but if he has really lost the urge than that’s a big thing. There’s no forcing it back. It’ll probably come back on its own but until it does theres no point in trying to force it. Only further disappointment will happen that way.

You need the desire for Spartathlon, in spades. Too many times I have lost the desire to push when trogging along some dusty cliff road in Greece. My main problem has always been that I’ve been prepared to say ‘that’ll do’ in training, be it weight or race times, when it never was enough really.

Last year might have been different. I lost the weight, did the training, got the times and had the desire. I honestly still think there has never been a better time to have given it a shot.

I still have the urge though, even after 6m of forced resting and that surprises me a bit. It should really have been battered into submission and pessimism. I know there is lots to do and whilst I am impatient to get going I know I have to do it properly. I wasn’t ready in 2013 or 2014, after the 2012 debacle. I was getting there in 2015 and got to a peak in 2016 when my mental resilience and as a result confidence has never been sharper. Despite the knockbacks it is still sharp which is why I need to be patient and do it properly, not go off at half cock again and that means, when I am ready doing it properly or not at all.

I had my 3^rd MRI at the end of April and it was relatively good news. I had been worried that there might not have been much progress since I could occasionally still feel the twinge but apparently the swelling has gone down a fair bit. It’s still there but it’s improved such that I was allowed to dump the crutches – after 4 months (5 in all for the injury counting Dec when I never used crutches)

You can see the difference between the MRI on the L (Dec) and the one on the R (Apr). There is much less oedema present now, although it’s not gone entirely. There wasn’t a lot of progress Dec-Feb. The biggest spot left looks like its at the site of the defect on the end of the femur & which I might be left with permanently. It remains to be seen whether my knee might protest if I try to do big mileages again because of that defect and the swelling at that point. I still need to wear my brace for another 4-6wks but after that if it’s ok I can take it off and try running (but only if it doesn’t hurt) & 1K at a time


My worry is that if the defect is there it'll just hurt and swell up again if I try to run on it. For that reason I will need to be careful but I've pencilled in a 1K run for 6 June - D Day as it happens and my Mums birthday. She would have wanted me to be positive. It will also mark 6months to the day since I last ran and I thought that would be appropriate.

That 1K in a months time will be the 1^st run of the rest of my life but there will still be knockbacks. It may hurt. I may need to back off and rest a little longer but I am determined to use the whole experience as another way to strengthen my mental resolve. I just need my body to play ball and hang on a little longer too.