2018 - The long and winding road

2018 so far - the long and winding road

I last wrote a whole year ago back in 2017 when things were looking a little more optimistic. I managed 7x 10K loops of the Equinox 24 in a work team as a last minute substitute for an injured runner. It was good to be part of an event again and do another ultra in the process. I’d never done an event like it before as part of a team and it was different. The atmosphere was good although the gap between loops was enough to stiffen up but not enough to get any real sleep. Still, I was out there and that’s what counted.

I managed the 1^st club XC too but then disaster struck and from something so innocuous. I was just walking down the hall at home when I caught my foot on the dogs cover. It dragged my leg over to the side slightly but out of all proportion to the nature of the incident I got a really sharp pain in my knee that just didn’t go away. I knew I’d done something straight away. I left it only a couple of weeks before invoking the insurance again and got a speedy MRI in November.

It wasn’t good and I was basically advised that I’d never run again. My meniscus was shot.  I had a degenerate tear of the medical meniscus which was not repairable since on his analogy it would be like stitching frayed cotton, the stitch would just pull through and leave me worse off than before and the knee open to OA. So, I was back in the knee brace and offloading the joint with another review in 2m time.

The follow up in Jan 2018 was slightly more optimistic. The microfractures from earlier in 2017 had healed, the articular surface of the femur was good and the dint on the end of it that was evident last year had healed. But although torn meniscus’ don’t usually repair themselves, as at Jan’s MRI the consultant saw evidence of some repair. This was probably because the tear was right at the end, where the meniscus joins onto the femur and the only area where there is a decent blood supply. The consultant still thought my cycling career was likely to be much longer than my running one but if I was careful I might be able to try light running in another 4-6weeks. I would then be guided by the pain as to how much I could actually do.

This wasn’t the blasting into my 60^th year raring to go that I had planned back in September but it was a million miles better than it had looked at the end of my annus horribilis … as long as I could be patient. Not my best trait.

So, I walked the Wilmot with Neil at the end of Jan. Leonie had her spies out to make sure that when Carolyn and Christine passed me I wasn’t running … How we laughed about that when they did come past. 50K without bursting into a run obviously took a lot longer than it normally does but I was grinning from ear to ear every hour that passed without my knee hurting. It ached but then so did everything else.

The Belvoir 15 in Feb with Louise was another milestone. Setting off from the back I was allowed to burst into a jog with her occasionally and it felt too good to be able to jog again. I was very protective of the knee and live to every single twinge, so much so that I was concentrating on it so hard I was oblivious to the fact that my R knee was actually hurting more and I hadn’t even noticed.

The next step up was 4 Inns with Boz and Ethan. I had dropped out of Wayne/Andys team since I was no way fit enough and wasn’t even sure I’d be able to walk the whole way let alone run, but as it was it was so good to be up on the moors again whatever the pace. We jog/walked much more than I expected and the boys did good. My 1^st Ultra at 17 was also Boz’ 1^st Ultra at 17 too and I was so proud to have been there with him on it. Even if I got no further than this this year, it would be a good point on which to end my running career.

Derby 10K with Louise in April was my 1^st run of any distance and without anything of any significance as far as my knee was concerned. My knee was now aching the day after any sort of running but nothing major. The main issue I had found with it was that it just felt plain weird when I started off, almost as if something was out of place. When I started running it hurt I had to limp to offload it. Were I a weaker man that would have been enough to make me stop and give in and decide running was now out, but I found that if I was patient (that word again) and took it easy, after a mile or so things just ‘clicked into place’ and I could run ok, without pain. Strange … and it’s still like that too, although the ‘clicking into place’ is now down to about ¼ mile. It’s still there though and means I’ve needed to break the habit of a lifetime and actually warm up before I try to push it.

Anyway, the progress was enough to tip me off the fence and build a cunning plan. If I could walk GUCR by the end of May I could develop a strategy to get fit enough over the next 6m to give Spartathlon another ‘final, last’ go. If I could manage that then with Nomad 50 in May and KACR145 in July at a faster pace, I would surely be in with a chance. Ok, it would be no repeat of 2016 but it might be enough.

But I should know by now that things don’t ever go to plan. There are always ifs and buts and maybes. 1^st of all, even with 4 names in the hat I didn’t get in Spartathlon … again. 3years running I had failed and was about to give up since there was no chance of me getting another qualifier for 2019 at my present state, when I got a discretionary place along with another couple of UK runners who had not got in with 4 names in the hat either. What to do now?

Clearly I’d have been best deferring my place to 2019 when I’d have had longer to build up and strengthen confidence but this wasn’t going to happen. 1^st off I’d be back to just 1 name in the hat and I’d still need to perform at 110% at some point this year to get a qualifier for 2019. So plan A had to be do what I could to get ready and then, if I could meet my pre-requisites, give it a go.

GUCR was awesome. It wasn’t possible due to the cut-offs to walk the whole way but I planned to walk as much as poss. In the event I jogged from the off with Martin and was able to run at a slow pace for much longer than I thought I would be able to. Martin called it a day at Hatton Locks but I pressed on. By 70m I was only about an hour down and feeling knackered but good. Overnight involved a torrential thunderstorm and a lot of walking. By dawn I was down some more and realising the enormity of a ‘just within the cut-off’ finish. By Springwell at about 120m I was getting some twinges so I used it as an excuse to stop running and deathmarched the rest of the way. Just how hard mentally it was to complete a 41.5hr GUCR  as opposed to the 34.5hr finish I thrashed out in 2016 is hard to put into words. There were times when my head was absolutely done in, much more so than my body but I ground it out and in the next day or so I recovered enough to be pretty optimistic about building up to a much more competitive KACR in a couple of months time. If I could do it in about 36hrs then I could go to Greece.

However, the road of life is longer than even GUCR felt and much more winding.  A day or so after GUCR and my L ankle was swollen, stiffening up and going a nice rosy red. My knee and everything was recovering but my ankle was getting worse which was strange since I couldn’t recall going over on it. Maybe it was arthritis.

Then I started getting the shivers and feeling rough. Luckily I had done GUCR and read the pre-race notes enough times to have an idea what it might be. The GP confirmed it as cellulitis, by which time my temperature was the highest she had seen in ages and my ankle was definitely an angry, swollen red colour. Blood test after blood test followed to check it wasn’t something even more nasty and it was clear that it wasn’t going away any time soon. Far from kicking on after grinding out a GUCR finish I was back to worse than square 1 … again, not able to run at all. The course of antibiotics took away the shivers and the angry redness to the swelling but not the swelling itself. It took a good month to start dissipating and even then would come straight back when I tried running on it. The only bonus was that the run and post-race infection had bump-started my diet and I’d managed to drop my weight 6lb to 12.9, the lightest I’d been since 2016.

But eventually it seemed to stop swelling up after I’d slow jogged just 5K or so and I could start the cunning plan. With so little time left now I’d had to drop out of KACR. There was no way I could risk it swelling up again and not being able to go to Peru and no way anyway that I could get fit enough in a fortnight or so to build up to be able to churn out a competitive 145m.

So the plan was a ‘gradual’ increase of 30-40-50-60mile weeks over a month. It wasn’t something I’d care to recommend to a beginner but I needed a drastic improvement quickly. And it’s seemed to work so far. I’ve managed to increase my tarmac miles (which is what I guess I need most) and it’s coincided with the biggest heatwave the country has seen since 1976, which is again what I guess I need.

And so here I am. I’ve managed a couple of 20-25milers and a 39miler too. I am still (too) slow but the head is there, my knee has held out so far and the twinge from GUCR has gone (for now). It’s a shame to call it a shame but I could do without the Peru adventure really since it’ll mean me losing a good 4weeks running and a good 200m or so of training miles. OK, it may help with the weight loss and leg strengthening but I really need tarmac miles in my legs.  By the time I get back I’ll have lost 3-4 weeks running (and have a ready-made excuse for failure) with only about 3wks or so left – enough to give me probably just one good week before needing to taper. And I do need to taper. I know already that I don’t’ recover as well as I used to or as quickly.

At the moment though I am starting to feel pretty good. I just hope it lasts and that I can come back from Peru feeling as good. We’ll see about that but one thing is that I’m not expecting a smooth run with no more twists and turns between now and the end of Sept. That would be too much to hope for.

Pole Pole

Sparta and Me - Chapter 11

So that was how I left it in January 2017, at rock bottom again, or so I thought until I saw the consultant.

‘That pop you heard was probably the end of your femur giving way’

 

was not something that I really wanted to hear at the beginning of a year in which I had expectations of kicking on from 2016, to put it mildly. 4months on crutches and another 2months with knee brace and to compound it I didn’t make it through the lottery again anyway, even with 2 names in the hat.

 

The MRIs in December and February showed significant bone oedema in the medial condyle of my femur and two insufficiency fractures of the femur itself underneath the cartilage. The consultant was now pretty sure I hadn’t damaged the cartilage itself and there was just age related thinning instead, but that was of little comfort. The only option was to allow the bone to recover in its own time. He didn’t want to disturb the cartilage in surgery if it could possibly be avoided and if I ran on it in its softened state or the blood supply worsened then the end of the bone might collapse totally and the only option then would be replacement.

 

The consultant had heard of Kouros. He understood and wanted to get me fit for Spartathlon if at all possible but there are no quick fixes for this issue and I had to rely on what I am good at, patience enough to do the job … eventually.

 

The April MRI was better news. The oedema was dissipating but very slowly and I could still see the residual bone defects on the scan. He said these might not go completely but there was still a good chance of 100% recovery, if I did things properly. What’s more I could now ditch the crutches if I kept the brace for another 6-8weeks. Then I could try running, 1K at a time and back to resting if it hurt. Louise came with me – she didn’t want me bullshitting her about what he said I could do, but I would have been good anyway.

 

I tried 1K in June, after 6 weeks. Hardly worth getting  changed for really but I was hoping it would feel so good to be back out there again I’d love it, only I couldn’t even convince myself it didn’t hurt, so I was good and went back to resting - For another fortnight, then I tried it again and it was a little better that time.

 

Since then I have been looking for little milestones. After the pain of dropping out of Athens 48, 4 Inns, GUCR, Nomad 50 and KACR I was seeing some progress. It has been a tough job, one minute up and the next down as I felt some pain and even more despair, but from 1K I upped it to 1mile, then 2 miles. I even managed 30miles overall in July. The road ahead looks to have bends in it and I cannot see too far but I am keeping as positive as I can. Last week I ran 8miles, slowly. At 6mph I was fine but at 7mph it hurt. I did the same run a week later and the bit at 7mph didn’t hurt. Pole Pole as they say in Kenya – ‘slowly, slowly’ has been and will need to be my mantra for the rest of 2017 at least.

 

I’ve even done a race. Louise allowed me to do the club race at Carsington in July if I ran with her,  and would grab my vest if I started trying to pull away from her. I was very conscious of the downhills in particular and walked them. Last week I was allowed to run the Shipley Park club race on my own. I was surprised that my legs actually felt good, but more surprised still that it didn’t hurt. My lungs and chest were bursting though and there is lots to do … but pole pole.

 

The cycling has helped. It’s been 30years since I’ve been on a road bike but I have done 2x 100milers with another to come in September. It seems to have helped prevent my leg muscles from wasting away entirely but it hasn’t stopped the weight from returning –and it took so much effort to lose it in the first place.

 

It’s now only 6weeks before the UK team goes out to Greece again. It’s hard but I guess it’s for the best that I didn’t get in this year now. At 8 slow miles with 6weeks to go and with all the weight back on I lost last year it would be foolish in the extreme to have tried anything . At least now I have 14months and 4 names in next year’s hat. There is lots of work to do but only one goal, one focus. There is a plan for 2018 but I can still take nothing for granted at the minute and as such is contingent on me getting to the end of the year ok. At present I am just so pleased to be running at all and there is still improvement week on week such that I can just about forget that I’ll be 60 when the 2018 race arrives. But age is in the mind, at least partially. In 2006 I was worried that I was too old but in 2016 I managed to get fitter than I have been since 1996, let alone 2006. I can still do it.

... Is long

So, I’m injured and can’t run. It’s not as if I’m suffering from some debilitating or life threatening disease or even in pain. But I can’t run and it’s a big thing to me.

It’s been 6m now – longer out than even after I had my disc operation, and still no path to recovery in sight in real terms. The instability I felt in the knee is still there, almost the same as it was way back in December, but its hard to pin down.

The consultant said he was happy with the way the bone marrow oedema had gone down since my 2^nd MRI. He said give it another 6-8wks and give 1K a go, but nothing mad so I left feeling quite optimistic.

Well, it’s 7weeks post 3^rd MRI now and 1K is just over ½ a mile. ½ mile! – hardly worth getting my kit on for but I did last night. It was a milestone for sure but I had to work hard to make myself think I couldn’t still feel it. It didn’t hurt but it felt, well … weird and this morning there’s a niggly little ache that tells me it’s still not ok. I worry about trying to build it up with that ache. I worry that the swelling will just come back. It’s likely that the niggle and instability come from the site of the fracture itself and that there is some remaining defect in the bone on the weightbearing end of the femur causing the wobble and ache. If that’s the case I’m worried that it’s not now going to alter much and this is what I’ll be left with.

Looking at it from the glass half full point of view as far as I can I guess (even after 6 months) my recovery is still in its infancy. I can see myself not trying to run even another 1K for at least another week. Even if the bone might still improve over time it’s not going to do so over period of a few weeks and I’ll count myself lucky if I get back to any real sort of running this year.

The Road to Recovery

Rob has decided to pull out of Spartathlon. He had a bad 100K and only managed about 50K of it before pulling out. He reckons he has lost the urge/desire. Mark recommended he watch some Rocky films and go back to basics, and there is some good advice in that.

Strangely I’ve had an email from Steve in France this morning too. He’s just had a bad marathon where he did 4.50ish. He too reckons that he has just lost the desire to push and got to a point in the race where he was just happy kicking back and strolling along to the finish at a comfortable pace.

Rob has plenty of time left but if he has really lost the urge than that’s a big thing. There’s no forcing it back. It’ll probably come back on its own but until it does theres no point in trying to force it. Only further disappointment will happen that way.

You need the desire for Spartathlon, in spades. Too many times I have lost the desire to push when trogging along some dusty cliff road in Greece. My main problem has always been that I’ve been prepared to say ‘that’ll do’ in training, be it weight or race times, when it never was enough really.

Last year might have been different. I lost the weight, did the training, got the times and had the desire. I honestly still think there has never been a better time to have given it a shot.

I still have the urge though, even after 6m of forced resting and that surprises me a bit. It should really have been battered into submission and pessimism. I know there is lots to do and whilst I am impatient to get going I know I have to do it properly. I wasn’t ready in 2013 or 2014, after the 2012 debacle. I was getting there in 2015 and got to a peak in 2016 when my mental resilience and as a result confidence has never been sharper. Despite the knockbacks it is still sharp which is why I need to be patient and do it properly, not go off at half cock again and that means, when I am ready doing it properly or not at all.

I had my 3^rd MRI at the end of April and it was relatively good news. I had been worried that there might not have been much progress since I could occasionally still feel the twinge but apparently the swelling has gone down a fair bit. It’s still there but it’s improved such that I was allowed to dump the crutches – after 4 months (5 in all for the injury counting Dec when I never used crutches)

You can see the difference between the MRI on the L (Dec) and the one on the R (Apr). There is much less oedema present now, although it’s not gone entirely. There wasn’t a lot of progress Dec-Feb. The biggest spot left looks like its at the site of the defect on the end of the femur & which I might be left with permanently. It remains to be seen whether my knee might protest if I try to do big mileages again because of that defect and the swelling at that point. I still need to wear my brace for another 4-6wks but after that if it’s ok I can take it off and try running (but only if it doesn’t hurt) & 1K at a time


My worry is that if the defect is there it'll just hurt and swell up again if I try to run on it. For that reason I will need to be careful but I've pencilled in a 1K run for 6 June - D Day as it happens and my Mums birthday. She would have wanted me to be positive. It will also mark 6months to the day since I last ran and I thought that would be appropriate.

That 1K in a months time will be the 1^st run of the rest of my life but there will still be knockbacks. It may hurt. I may need to back off and rest a little longer but I am determined to use the whole experience as another way to strengthen my mental resolve. I just need my body to play ball and hang on a little longer too.